onion

Status
Not open for further replies.

DeletedUser

Call me a heathen/witch if you choose, but I will worship none other than the Lord Jesus Christ! I repeat: Send the onion to hell!
 

DeletedUser

Why are you worshipping a stupid onion?! You had the plant the dumb thing, it didn't create you!
 
nashy19

nashy19

Nashy (as himself)
Virginia said:
Why are you worshipping a stupid onion?! You had the plant the dumb thing, it didn't create you!
Click to expand...

Planting is merely a way of preparing the Onion for worship. My friend, you are delusional, the holy onion created everything.
 

DeletedUser

Brother Nashy has spoken the truth. Redeem yourself, witch, before it is too late!
 

DeletedUser

The onion is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and, most importantly, omnionion.

The onion shall suffer a witch to live and will not even withhold the tears of joy you receive while preparing his great gift.

The onion sayeth thou shalt not spam, but the onion is not fond of rules and is equally happy if you break his rules as if you follow them.

We are building a religion
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers
For the pendant key chains
 

DeletedUser

I am prepared to die with the name of the Almighty God on my lips!
 

DeletedUser

A completely original and unplagiarized guide for Erisian Onion Evangelists.

The SOCRATIC APPROACH is most successful when confronting the ignorant. The "socratic approach" is what you call starting an argument by asking questions. You approach the innocent and simply ask "Did you know that God's name is ERIS ONION, and that He is a girl an onion?" If he should answer "Yes." then he probably is a fellow Erisian Onionist and so you can forget it. If he says "No." then quickly proceed to:

THE BLIND ASSERTION and say "Well, He Is a girl an onion, and His name is ERIS ONION!" Shrewedly observe if the subject is convinced. If he is, swear him into the Legion of Dynamic Discord Church of the Onion before he changes his mind. If he does not appear convinced, then proceed to:

THE FAITH BIT: "But you must have Faith! All is lost without Faith! I sure feel sorry for you if you don't have Faith." And then add:

THE ARGUMENT BY FEAR and in an ominous voice ask "Do you know what happens to those who deny Goddess Onion?" If he hesitates, don't tell him that he will surely be reincarnated as a precious Mao Button and distributed to the poor in the Region of Thud Thud (which would be a mean thing to say), just shake your head sadly and, while wiping a tear from your eye, go to:

THE FIRST CLAUSE PLOY wherein you point to all of the discord and confusion in the world and exclaim "Well who the hell do you think did all of this, wise guy?" If he says, "Nobody, just impersonal forces." then quickly respond with:

THE ARGUMENT BY SEMANTICAL GYMNASTICS and say that he is absolutely right, and that those impersonal forces are female onion and that Her His name is ERIS ONION. If he, wonder of wonders, still remains obstinate, then finally resort to:

THE FIGURATIVE SYMBOLISM DODGE and confide that sophisticated people like himself recognize that Eris Onion is a Figurative Symbol Onion for an Ineffable Metaphysical Reality Onion Onion Onion and that The Erisian Onion Movement is really more like a poem an onion than like a science an onion and that he is liable to be turned into a Precious Mao Button an onion and Distributed to The Poor in The Region of Thud onion of the onion in the onion of onion if he does not get hip onion onion. Then put him on your mailing list.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

DeletedUser

Virginia, leave this thread; don't waste your time. These guys are smokin' weed or something.
 

DeletedUser

Now I know you're smokin' something. I say cheese whiz and you think **** sex.
 

DeletedUser

Elmyr said:
My god tastes better than your god, when sliced into rings and deep fried in batter, so neener.
Click to expand...

martyrsmz9.jpg
 

DeletedUser

My fellow followers of the Onion, waste not your energy on hating the un-beliver,
for has brought the onion to his lips, yet he has not tasted it.

Why should you belive in the Onion you say?
Simple, do you not see his children nigh every day?
Yet, as you see his form, you still do not see his form.

The Onion be both formless, and yet it has a form at the same time.

Know then the might of the Onion, as feeling it's magnificent presence might
force you to shed holy tears of sacrifice.

Onion be with you my brothers and sisters.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top