Theory of suffering

Harsha..

Harsha..

Well-Known Member
This is a very interesting and highly unusual paradox

simply put, this theory dictates

If someone suffers a lot, people expect you to suffer in the same measure

Let's take an example -

Assume that i go to school by a school bus which takes a circumnavigation route, taking about a hour to reach my house. I discover that there is another bus which goes by a much shorter route which would enable me to reach home in just 15 minutes. When i ask my mother about changing of buses, she instead tells me that her friend's son takes about 2 hours to travel to his school and just drops the topic

the core of this theory lies in the reason she brought up her friend's son's longer route, even through he didn't have any alternatives and wasn't "forcing himself" to travel by that route, even through i did have a more viable alternative available to me

please do give me your opinion on this subject!
 

DeletedUser

Maybe she just wants the extra 45 minutes without you at home? ;)
 

DeletedUser

It's an ego thing. of course, the path of least resistance is best.
 
Harsha..

Harsha..

Well-Known Member
lol, guys - i wasn't complaining about my long travel to school or whatever, but i was commenting on something much deeper - on why people believe that it's good to suffer more when they know people who're facing worse than yourself

I guess that i should have given more examples - for instance, someone complains about the quality of food at home, he/she is given a sharp reprimand that others live in hostels and are forced to eat worse food and so on

through, Artemis, i do not approve of your comment there
 
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nashy19

nashy19

Nashy (as himself)
That's about being grateful and not moaning pointlessly about your situation.

If there's a better way of doing something people don't try to stop you doing it based on the fact someone else does it a harder way.

If there was a place that did better food at the same price you'd go there instead.
If there was a quicker bus route home you'd take that one.
 

DeletedUser28032

oh you mean the old:
Child: These vegetables are disgusting
Parent: there are starving children in [insert third world nation here] who would be very happy with vegetables
To which the child normally responds: well then they can eat them because i am not.

But yes i think i get what your getting, its like you grandparents suffered through the war and therefore believe that you should suffer also
 

DeletedUser

Harsha.. said:
Artemis, i do not approve of your comment there
Click to expand...

That's ok, I don't approve of your comment here:
bah - i don't approve of your comment there, you should RESPECT other peoples feelings
Click to expand...
I'll be nice though and not give you red rep in return... boys will be boys, and I don't play those games. Nobody "should" think or feel anything, and as a mother I feel that kids too often think they need all of the advantages others have; you have every right to feel that parents too often want their kids to suffer. At least you believe in your own opinions enough to sign your red rep, which puts you one above several others here.
 

DeletedUser

Harsha, your question lacks depth. We don't know the motivations behind the mother's comments. We also don't know the history between the mother and the child, nor if there's a general behavioral issue that the mother may be attempting to address. We don't know if the mother is uncomfortable with driving in the morning, suffers from morning sickness, is unwilling to accommodate her son's laziness, etc and so on.

What we don't know leaves us with just wild ass guesses.


Oh, and you may not approve of what Arty wrote, but it's an example of what I just indicated above. Arty tossed out a "guess" and you didn't approve of that guess, so how the hell are we supposed to play the game if we don't know the friggin' rules?!?! Geez, I think you owe Arty an apology and a lick in the face.
 
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DeletedUser9470

imo the subject is very easy to understand.
quite clearly there is an alternative to Harsha..'s school transport, that would benefit Hasha in saving a lot of time, at no detriment to anyone else.
yet this solution having been put forward to the allmighty parent has been rejected on the basis that said parents friends sons transport takes even longer.
seriously? what kind of lame excuse is that?



thats the type of crap my parents came out with, so i left without a word.
you are smart harsha, I am sure you can pull this threat of never seeing your parents again to your advantage. If they dont care then they are not worth that you stay anyway...
;)
 

DeletedUser

Harsha.. said:
lol, guys - i wasn't complaining about my long travel to school or whatever, but i was commenting on something much deeper - on why people believe that it's good to suffer more when they know people who're facing worse than yourself
Click to expand...

A more serious answer to your question...

I never said that kind of thing to my sons when they were growing up, and still don't now that they're adults, but I do say it to myself a lot. I don't believe it's good to suffer for any reason, but I think it's rather petty for me to complain about my problems when I know people whose problems are much worse. I don't know how things are in India, but parents don't choose which bus their kids ride here. When my son was your age and didn't like his bus ride, he was given the option of continuing to ride the bus he was assigned to or getting a car and driving himself to school. He got a car and paid for his own insurance and gas.

I don't think most people say those things because they want you to suffer; it seems like most say it as a (somewhat misguided) way of saying that there are more serious things to be concerned with.
 

DeletedUser

I suppose we can look at it this way: The mother doesn't want to make the effort of having to battle the politics of the school system and made an excuse for such (again, I'm making wild ass guesses here). I think if the student felt it was important enough, he could go to the school office, obtain the paperwork, fill it out, and have his mother sign it, thereby taking all the hassle out of the process.

Or, maybe the mother prefers he take this route because it avoids a bad neighborhood. Or, maybe she trusts that particular driver. Or, as Arty posed, maybe she likes the extra 45 minutes of peace. Ultimately though, she posed an excuse that doesn't satisfy the student. So, I guess I'm trying to understand whether the question is "why" the parent posed that excuse or "how" to resolve the issue? Because if it's the former, then you'll need to provide a lot more information about the relationship that exists between the two and some background on the parent (as i indicated in my previous post). If it's the latter, then just do the work yourself and stop being lazy. ;)
 

DeletedUser9470

Hellstromm said:
I suppose we can look at it this way: The mother doesn't want to make the effort of having to battle the politics of the school system and made an excuse for such (again, I'm making wild ass guesses here). I think if the student felt it was important enough, he could go to the school office, obtain the paperwork, fill it out, and have his mother sign it, thereby taking all the hassle out of the process.

Or, maybe the mother prefers he take this route because it avoids a bad neighborhood. Or, maybe she trusts that particular driver. Or, as Arty posed, maybe she likes the extra 45 minutes of peace. Ultimately though, she posed an excuse that doesn't satisfy the student. So, I guess I'm trying to understand whether the question is "why" the parent posed that excuse or "how" to resolve the issue? Because if it's the former, then you'll need to provide a lot more information about the relationship that exists between the two and some background on the parent (as i indicated in my previous post). If it's the latter, then just do the work yourself and stop being lazy. ;)
Click to expand...

surely though isnt it best to come straight out with the truth rather than make up some BS excuse?
"no you cant go on that bus because of the neighbourhood it goes through"

from the students POV this makes sense and tbh cant be argued, so surely from the parents pov thats the best and most effortless solution?
 

DeletedUser

Surely, you do not know the dynamics of the relationship between the mother and child, or the mother's experience in presenting such information, so you are "assuming" what is best. Perhaps the more honest answer would have resulted in the child (boy) getting all defensive about how the mother is "protecting" him and thus result in an attitude and conflict between the two. Or, maybe the mother simply assumed that would be the reaction, due to her personal experiences with men as a whole.

And then again, you posed merely one possibility as to why the mother stated what she did. The true motivation is not known, so you are "jumping" to a conclusion as to what her motivation is, and then posing judgment on that conclusion.

Kinda silly, don't you think?
 

DeletedUser9470

no not at all.
because the parent, being an adult, should know better.
there is no reason for BS excuses. if there is a valid excuse then best is to use that. if it creates an argument then maybe it is best that the parent should start taking into account his/her kids pov?
if you cocoon the kids too much they end up asthmatic and allergic to peanuts.
 

DeletedUser

I'm sure this isn't true for all parents, but many parents do want what's best for their children. Parents don't always "know better" but they do usually have more experience with the world than their children. Parents were children once too. I think many start out their beginning years of parenthood armed with - not so much knowledge about what they should do - or what is right to do - but a whole lot of opinions about what their parents did that they didn't agree with. I believe lack of education for parenting is a big problem. If parents launch off into what has to be the hardest job in the world - with nothing but the big book of - "Well I'm not going to do this and that" then the job will be hard for sure. Failure will abound, because parenting isn't about what you aren't going to do - it is about what you do have to do. And you know what? - Parents don't always have to explain everything to their kids. All parents should be given tee shirts as gifts after the birth of their first child that says

Reason #1 BECAUSE I SAID SO! emblazoned across the front and then on the back it can say
Reason #2 See reason #1

So there are probably 2 very good reasons why you should take the bus you are on - but maybe your mom didn't get the tee shirt. :p
 

DeletedUser

I think you brought up some important points, one of them being that of children remembering what parents do "wrong" whilst not recognizing what they do right. Let's face it, unless you grow up to be a murdering, conniving, thieving, sociopath, your parents did a lot of things right. Are you truly going to let a harmless white lie, from one of your parents, distort your sense of reality and cause you to condemn your parents to eternal damnation on Earth?

I mean, I know it's tempting, but... perspective...
 

DeletedUser

except for that part about going against efficiency, which is not a good thing since striving for optimization is a major part of reality.....
 
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