La Oficina

[DeletedUser]

This is a story of daily life at the headquarters of Cólgate, Inc., a software company/tequila distillery/organized crime syndicate based in Ciudad de México (Mexico City). Representing Mexican corporations at their absolute bottom-of-the-barrel worst, the company is fraught with slackers, criminals, psychopaths, gluttons and especially idiots. Raises and promotions are based not on performance, productivity or skill, but employees' ability to pleasure their superiors. Much of their revenue is generated through "male enhancement" scams. You are one of the employees at this company. ¡Feliz trabajandos (happy workings)!

This is a comedy RP, intended to be based on The Office (the earlier RP, not the TV show) with a Mexican twist. All the same rules as always apply, but a few Spanish words here and there are fine by me. Here's your character format:

Name:
Gender:
Age:
Occupation:
Characteristics:
Skills (or lack thereof):
Bio:
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Name: Juan Pendejo
Gender: Male
Age: 45
Occupation: President of Cólgate, Inc.
Characteristics: Wears a black suit and tie and stereotypical sombrero hat, and a thick, black mustache. He spend most of the time slacking in his office, with tequila (from a different brand), imported Cuban cigars and plenty of women, most (but not all) of whom don't actually work for him.
Skills (or lack thereof): He has no leadership, management or production skills whatsoever. How did you think he became president?
Bio: He was born and raised in Ciudad de México, and at the age of seven, he attended a friend's birthday party, where he was smacked in the head by another partygoer trying to break a piñata. The blow caused some brain damage, and his resulting incompetence rocketed him to the top of the kakistocratic corporate ladder, where he remains to this day.

 

[DeletedUser26409]

Name: Jorge Bellaco
Gender: Male
Age: 32
Occupation: "programmer" for the Cólgate, Inc., bodyguard of Juan Pendejo
Characteristics: He as a black curly hair and a strangely ribald face with a tiny (black) mustache. His vanity is reflected by the white suits combined with pink shirts that he wears and the light blue '56 Chevrolet Bel Air Convertible that he drives.
Skills (or lack thereof): He is a relatively good (sharp)shooter, but utterly dreadful with computers
Bio: He spends most of his time in the office, bothering any females that work there by describing his own virtues in a very kinky manner. From time to time he tries to use a computer but fails and resolves to shooting the screen with his Colt 1911 (with ivory handles).

 

[DeletedUser]

Pedro Sigalles operates the parking control booth at the Cólgate Inc. offices on St. Maria Street. That is to say that he sits on a rusty 1950s style bar stool underneath a beach umbrella behind a dumpster in an alley. Dumpsters are bulletproof. Especially when filled with garbage. This simple fact is the reason why Pedro sits behind it with his .22 when demanding ten US dollars for a parking fee. This explains why there are many bullet holes in the dumpster. Pedro considers his job one of the most important at Cólgate Inc. No one else charges ten US dollars for their merchandise at Cólgate Inc. Even Dr. Roger's Male Enhancement Formula is only $8.95! Yes, the Parking Lot Control Division is a profit maker.

"Private office overlooking downtown Mexico City" sounds pretty good on a job description. Enrico Gordon faced disappointment when he was first shown his working quarters. The only view he had was through a small window in his cubicle of a dumpster in an alley. He was on the ground level! The only thing he could "overlook" was the crushed Coca-cola can laying on the parking lot pavement. He was currently in a business meeting with the CEO, Juan Pendejo. Which is to say that the moron was leaning in his cubicle's doorway while rambling on about the Chinese takeout he had for lunch.
"Juan, there isn't a single car in our parking lot," said Enrico, divisional HR manager.
"Umm, yes," said Juan, distracted from Chinese food.
"Do you think, perhaps, that this is because the parking lot attendant is an idiot for demanding ten US dollars behind the barrel of a .22 for a parking space?"

 

[DeletedUser]

Juan heard Enrico's criticism, and said, "all those folks who can't pony up $10 are the idiots! Besides, everyone here is also an idiot". Believing that the topic was settled, we went on to more important subjects. "As I was saying, the Kung Pao chicken looked a little suspect, but it tasted alright. I couldn't decide whether to get lo mein or fried rice, so I got both. That turned out to be a good combination, but the shu mai really didn't play nice with the other stuff. It took a whole bottle of tylenol and a pint of tequila to get rid of the aftershock!"