Zombies And Gangsters

DeletedUser31931

Right then. I’ve been promising this one for a while now and the wait has finally ended and I hope it’s worth it. Here comes the Intro however I’m afraid it’s a fairly lengthy one:

New York, 2012, February 3rd:
James Smith sat back in his arm chair as two hulk-like men dragged a screaming man towards him with the man fighting back but to no avail. The two hulks threw the man into a chair and handcuffed him to the chair and then chained him as well for extra protection. The two henchmen then went and stood at their places behind their master. Smith looked the man in the eye and said “You’ve upset me; you tried to sabotage my operation. I know what is in that bunker already, don’t you think I’d have heard of your government super weapon! I, James Smith who brought every gang together in this city and now I’m going to take it for myself. We already have our space in the caverns.” At this the agent looked surprised, “Oh what, You didn’t think we knew about the caverns. We accessed the caverns and made our own bases down there. Anyway, The reason you are here is because you have the knowledge of the code I will need to get the super-weapon the government was developing. You know it as you were there when they sealed that place. Toxic Radiation, HA! More like there is a super-weapon down there waiting for America’s so called hour of need. Now tell me the code.”
The American FBI agent grimaced and said “No.”
Smith heard this and hit a button on his desk. The chair shot a burst of electricity through the agent. “I’m sorry but I didn’t quite hear you. What did you say again?”
The FBI agent, Agent Jones, looked up again and said “I said no. I won’t have you unleashing what’s in there on the rest of New York.”
“So it is a super weapon, how interesting.” Smith replied, “Take him away” he commanded his henchmen, “Torture him until he cracks.” The henchmen undid the chains and the handcuffs and dragged him off again. As Agent Jones was dragged off memories of that final and fateful day at the underground lab came back to him.

New York, Under-Ground Laboratory, 2009, June 20th:
Agent Jones strode into the compound with a brisk stride; he walked over to a cell-phone shop and entered. He walked over the sales attendant and tipped his hat. “I’ve heard a new super cell-phone that gets great reception, even underground.” He said. The sales attendant gave a slow nod and said “You want to see our stock, please come with me.” She led him into a back room and through a door into a manager’s office. She sat down in a chair and punched in a combination on a keypad on the under-side of the chair. The bookcase behind swung open revealing a stair-case and Agent Jones walked down the stair-case as the sales attendant followed him. Once they arrived she flung off her company jacket and slid on a lab-coat. “You’re late” she said with a sigh, “I was expecting you ten minutes ago.”
“You’re gorgeous.” Jones replied and kissed her. “You’re my gorgeous fiancé.”
“I may be but that still doesn’t change the fact that you’re late.” Maria, who was now completely dressed up in the scientists gear, said sounding annoyed but Jones could tell by her face she forgave him. They had two months to go until the wedding as Maria had insisted that she planned it and as she was a perfectionist they usually spent the whole week-end planning it, this generally consisting of Maria doing something, going somewhere or designing something and asking Jones what he thought. Last Saturday they had gone cake shopping and after spending half an hour deciding on cupcakes or a wedding cake and finally choosing wedding cake Maria then spent several hours designing what it would look like. Jones would never admit it but he rather enjoyed going out and helping Maria as it made her happy and when she was happy he was too. He kissed Maria on the neck before they headed out the prep room and down the corridor. There were various doors along the corridors each a research lab for a different project. Finally they came to a stop at the end of the corridor and a door named “Project Alpha” where Maria punched in a set of door codes before holding the door open “Anyway, why did the FBI just send an agent as their representative?”
Jones smiled and replied, “They didn’t, I’m acting as my boss’ aide today.” Maria smiled and they continued through the door. There was a hustle and bustle about the place and as Maria walked through the place she stopped and asked another woman: “How’s GEST this morning?”
“He’s absolutely dandy” the woman replied before moving on.
“GEST?” Jones enquired.
“Genetically Enhanced Super Trooper, our nickname for our baby.” Maria replied, she stopped at a split and said “This is where we part. Go down that corridor and there is a waiting room on your left, you may use your mobile or a portable laptop if you have one, we have a few desktops in there if you don’t have one and there is also a TV. When it’s time we ask that you turn off your mobiles and laptops and the computers and the radiation could cause interference. See you later!” Maria said and she walked off. Jones headed into the room and nodded at his boss who was already in there waiting. He sat down at a computer and checked his e-mails to see if the evidence he’d been promised had arrived yet. If it had then come next week he would finally be able to nail that drug’s baron.
Maria strode off down the corridor leaving Jones standing there. He began to head off down the right corridor and she continued on. She walked into the room where Sam was waiting. Sam Turner had volunteered himself after sustaining a leg injury in Afghanistan. He was volunteering on the basis that if it worked he would end up getting a new leg in an operation after this. “Morning.” She said. “Hi” Sam replied “You got it all worked out?”
“You’ll be fine” Maria said, “Stop fretting. The virus will be injected into your body and it will take over improving it and making it stronger however it should leave your brain untouched. You’ll be unconscious for the whole operation.”
Finally the time came for the operation and as Sam strapped himself in he smiled. The dignitaries present watched as the scientist’s made the final preparations and then began to put Sam under. “We’re putting him under so that he feels no pain as the virus spreads.” They finished putting him asleep and they all left apart from Maria who stayed and said “I’ll be making sure that all of his vitals and everything are fine.” Maria cut the line and signalled for them to start. The virus was injected and everything seemed to be fine. “Reached the heart!” a cry came out. “Heart rate dropping!” came a voice more nervous this time “Heart rate dropping!” Something was going wrong and they could tell it. “Reaching fatally low levels! Prepare to administer anti-toxin!” a shout came. “Administering anti-toxin!” and a second set of tubes plunged into Sam’s body. “Still dropping!” came a cry. “Wait! It’s stabilising!” came a cry. “Heart rate rising… Heart rate at normal level… Heart rate rising to expected levels. Heart stabilising. Scanning body tissue. It worked!” and a cheer went up. “Maria check see if the patient is awake please.” Maria moved closer to Sam as everyone watched. “Sam?” she asked “Sam can you hear me?” Suddenly Sam jerked to life and bit Maria in the hand. Maria fell to the floor screaming. Somebody swore. Maria stood up suddenly and opened her eyes. They were red. Another woman stepped inside the cage. “Maria, are you alright?” she asked.
Maria’s head snapped towards this woman and she charged. She jumped and knocked the woman to the ground and bit her neck. She stood up and charged at the glass door and jumped through it as the woman she had bitten stood up, eye’s red too. “Oh my god.” Somebody said. “Everybody evacuate the facility!” and a scientist hit the panic button. Everyone stampeded for the door and as they fought their way out more and more people were bitten and feel only to stand up with red eyes. Jones pulled out a pistol and fired at the advancing creatures as did several other security people there. As Maria charged at him though Jones stopped, unable to shoot his fiancé even though she was not herself. Someone else opened fire and Jones watched as his fiancé slumped to the ground dead. They would have kept firing but there were too many of them and they would have been over-run and so they turned and fled. Jones tossed a grenade down the stairs as he ran and it went off bringing down a shower of rubble. The head of the facility was telling people to evacuate the shop. “An automatic protocol will raise this building to the ground in five minutes!” He shouted “We have to get out of here!” They all fled the building as it began to collapse around them. As the last few made it out the last part of the building collapsed burying the things underground. That afternoon as a team dug through the wreckage they discovered a metal door in the ground, it was solid metal although what metal they were not sure of. They called up to the head of the facility who then slid down through the wreckage and said “Automatic protocol, it seals itself up with an unbreakable layer of a secret government made metal (unobtonium :D), I’ll need to set an open key. As he pulled up the switch Agent Jones slid down the wreckage to ask the head of the facility something and saw the numbers. “We can’t ever open it.” He said, “If we do it will poison the air, it appears that the virus kills the person and then brings them back to life, in an airborne version it will inhabit someone and then when they die it will take over and do the same.” The metal slab was declared as a memorial to those who had died when the building collapsed according to the official story but it was really to commemorate those who had died in the labs. Not a day went by without Jones wondering if he should open it but he never did knowing the consequences it could and would have if he did.

New York, 2012, February 4th:
Jones had cracked. He had screamed out the code whilst begging for mercy. That it was what a day of full on Chinese Water Torture can do to a man. Smith smiled as he ordered for a bullet to be put through Jones’ head. He wasn’t just going to let Jones walk of there alive so that he could warn the FBI. He had his men stake out the plaza that night. It was a bold operation. They would hold up three different banks over on the other side of the city thus drawing away all the attention and then they would swoop in on the plaza and get the door open.

New York, 2012, February 5th:
Smith rubbed his hands as he walked through the city. He had a fake wig on as well as a business suit, his disguise was perfect. He slipped into a waiting limo and said “Turn on the radio.” The chauffer did so and there was a song playing. As the song ended the radio host came over “I have just heard that three banks over the south east side of New York have been held up.” Smith motioned for the chauffer to turn the radio off there. All was going to plan. He stepped out of the car five minutes later as it drew up at an abandoned building. He walked inside and up to the third floor. He pulled out a pair of binoculars. He watched as his strike force casually walked across the plaza and suddenly pulled guns. They started shooting in the air just above where people where. As people rushed out more gangsters ran out and shot at the strike force, it was a cleverly planned mock gang fight to hide their true intentions. As the final people cleared the teams ran to the plaque. Smith exited the building and walked over to join them holding a handgun. They opened it and went inside; they walked through the corridor which was empty. They saw the rubble in the corridor cleared away. As they walked into the main room at the end they saw a tunnel and they saw light. “Whatever was in here found a way out.” Smith said. “But there is no super weapon here. Activate Plan B.” just as he said that a creature ran out with eye’s blazing red. One of the members shot it straight in the head and it slumped to the ground. As they ran out smith shouted into a radio “Activate plan B!” and he hit the code to seal the door behind them but as the affirmative came over the radio and they fled they heard something. “You Fools!” a voice shouted. “Do you have any idea what you have done? The government will seal off this whole area until a cure is found. We can make food in the caverns but now we have to put up with this!” At that the head of the FBI appeared with the ex-head of the labs. They were accompanied by a squad. “Thankfully we can at least deal with you.” The head of the FBI said and before Smith could do anything as he stood there reeling in shock the FBI agents opened fire and killed him. The bodies hit the ground only to stand up again, eye’s blazing red. The FBI agents opened fire again and the bodies hit the floor again, this time dead for good.

A brief synopsis of what happened after:
The military established a circle around the city; the government had an air-tight dome placed around New York devoting every piece of labour available to the job. They claimed there had been toxic fallout and that was why they were doing this. Four gang leaders stepped up to replace Smith but none of the could agree and so each group split off into territories and split New York up into sections however whilst this had happened the police had retreated into the main centre of the city. (see the map to understand the layout better, also if you’re having problems imagining the split up then think of what happened when Alexander The Great died), Now a year later the city is at a stalemate. All of the gangs and the police have their caverns and are using the population to farm enough food to keep going however ammo is running short. However the gangs are getting it smuggled to them by drop points. They only stayed in New York for they believe that if they win this then it will be a city of criminals. The police got ammo drops from the military; the military would open the top of the dome for one second and drop ammo through using an air tight chamber. The ammo would fall and then an automatic parachute would open and stop the parachute where the police and FBI would collect it. However all the zombies were stuck in the dome too. They wandered round the city and attacked people although they were few in numbers round the city. They were more numerous outside the city though and so all the gangs posted men on the walls of the city to defend from the zombie attacks. However there is one gang rising, led by Frank Jefferson a gang has taken over the south-east corner of New York. Now they plan on taking the whole city, Frank has cunning and can help take over sectors. He plans to create an alliance with the gang in the south-west side of the city and if he can then he will be able to launch an assault on the rest of the south-east sector.

Here is the map:
Click on the map to enlarge it.
View attachment 1597
(OOC: I was in a hurry when I came up with the names.)
White = Frank’s Gang
Green = Death Dealers
Purple = The Killerz
Red = The Maulerz
Yellow = Pain Givers
Blue = Police
The little black squares in the sectors are the main HQs for the gang, I will update the map as I go along. The Oval round the outside of the city is the army and air force barrier.
Now for you: The first part of the RP will be split into Operations. The first is operation is Operation Alliance.
The plan is to launch an assault on the sector standing between Frank’s gang and “The Killerz” who are the South-Eastern gang; this sector is owned by “Death Dealers” the south western gang who Franks gang and The Killerz are making an alliance against. Frank has already got a message to them and they are awaiting Frank arrival to discuss the terms of the alliance. You are going to be part of one of two squads, both of which I shall control :)D, just making sure the RP runs the way I want it to go, don’t worry, you guys get a chance to influence it later.) Squad 1 is the squad which Frank is in, this is transporting Frank through the sector to The Killerz, Squad 2 is launching an assault on the HQ of that sector (The HQ is in the middle of the sector.) Usual rules apply apart from one. That one rule involves characters. You can only have one character at a time however if you don’t like your character then you may change him in-between operations, if you decide that you want to change your character PM me with the new character’s sheet and at the end of the operation your current character will conveniently die and be replaced by your new character (alongside his character sheet). You can die in the middle of the operation but if you do you have to wait until the end of the operation to respawn, that’s about it. Have fun!



Character Sheet:
about weapons, you can have any modern day weapon, if needing help refer to Wikipedia or British Army Weapons
Another Notes, For the first Operation as Frank's Gang do not yet have an ammo supplier only I have grenades.

Name:
Age:
Appearance:
Weapons:
Squad:
Bio:
My second RP where I am OP, so if the vets feel I’ve missed something out or it could be improved in some way just PM me. Thanks!

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Name: Frank Jefferson
Age: 27
Appearance: Tall, walks with a slight limp but when push comes to shove is fine, scars down left hand side of face. Jet black hair with brown eyes.
Weapons: SA80 A2 L85 Individual Weapon (Standard British Army Rifle, can switch between Semi and Full Auto.), Glock 22 Semi Auto Pistol, H&K MP7 Machine Pistol Five Frag Grenades, Two Smoke, One Flash-bang Grenade, Handheld Transceiver (the transceivrs are exclusive to me), Throwing Knives X20
Squad: Commander of the Group and Leader of Squad 1.
Bio: No-one knows his past, all that is known is that he founded a group of freedom fighters (who called themselves a gang for the sake of appearances.) whilst under the rule of the Death Dealers and he launched a coup and now the gang has approximately 200 members although most are for defending the borders of their one sector.

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Name: Sam Davies (Bringing back my guy from War Of The Gods.)
Age: 25
Appearance: Tall, stocky man. Short, Cropped Blonde hair and light blue eyes.
Weapons: FAMAS, Glock 22 Semi Auto Pistol, H&K MP7 Machine Pistol Five Frag Grenades, Two Smoke, One Flash-bang Grenade, Handheld Transceiver, Throwing Knives X20.
Squad: Leader of Squad 2
Bio: He was one of the first people Frank recruited after Frank got into a scuffle with a Death Dealers member and Sam stepped in and grabbed a pistol off the floor and shot one of the five men saving Frank's life. The two men became partners and now Frank has put him in-charge of squad 2 having trained Sam himself. Sam, like Frank, is now an expert marksman and has a great comprehension of battle tactics and can adapt any plan to suit the situation.
 
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DeletedUser

(You've been watching Resident Evil haven't you? :D)

Name: Al Bustrode
Age: 19
Appearance: Tall, with close cut brown hair and green eyes.
Weapons: Uzi, and breadknife.
Squad: Squad 2
Bio: (you don't quite make it clear what kind of background our characters should be coming from, so I'll improvise, tell me if I've got anything wrong)
Born in New York, Al fell in with the wrong sort from a young age, shoplifting, mugging...as he grew older he joined a notorious streetgang and got involved in assault, battery. robbery and carjacking. when the virus spread he and his streetgang holed up in a haunt, they held out for a while, although losing most of their members, when the main gangs formed up, Al and his surviving buddies joined Frank Jefferson's gang immediately, recognizing it as a better chance of survival.
 
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DeletedUser31931

Tiger that's good, You can be from any background, Mercenary or just some-one who got noticed as an exceptionally good shot and joined up to one of the squads. About your confusion on squads. What mission do you want to do, Transport Frank across the sector, or assault an HQ under Sam? Frank is squad 1, Sam is squad 2. Also if the first operation goes according to plan (not saying it will ;) ) then you guys can expect to upgrade your weaponry. And no Tiger, I haven't I just randomly had the idea whilst playing a game.

One Last note, once most of the guys have joined up I'll launching a briefing mission complete with a map and then I'll set the ball rolling for the first operation. Briefing on Monday
 
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Deleted User - 819397

(Hey guys? Can we please limit the OOC posts to posts that have to do with the RP? I know it seems kind of petty, but it's something I have to keep on top of as a stipulation of posts here counting. If you have something quick to say, either edit it into a previous post or PM it. Thanks.)
 

DeletedUser

I was just too eager to see how this works.

Name: Niel Knack
Age: 17
Appearance: Blonde hair, black eyes, tall, usually see wearing a green vest as an outer coat
Weapons: Pietta Model 1860 Army .44 Caliber Revolver , a sharp long knife
Squad: Squad 2
Background: He is an orphan. He wandered about the streets, picking up fights when he was 14, then got recruited into a gang at 15. He became the second top member, he could fight efficiently. But a weakness prevented him from being first, he was afraid of heights and he had brittle bone disease. He usually avoids close combats. His gang soon split up. Some were thrown into jail for murder. Niel returned to the streets wandering aimlessly. He soon found out about Frank's gang and joined them immediately.
 
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DeletedUser

Name: Jack Sack
Age: 23
Appearance: Mop of black hair, small goatee, AC/DC t shirt, a guitar strapped to his back.
Weapons: Afore mentioned guitar, knife, Winchester 1866 and a sharpened pick.
Squad: 1
Bio: He will die defending Rock music. He jammed with music greats Ronny James Dio, Slash and Eddie van Halen. But when a street urchin only gave him a dollar for his rendition of Through the Fire and Flames backwards, his talent not only as a musician but as a fighter was soon discovered.
 

DeletedUser28032

Name: Rael Batista
Age: 32
Appearance: 5'10" with a broad build, Short black hair and an olive skin tone that betrays his Cuban heritage. Since the outbreak Rael like the rest of his precinct spends most of his time wearing black and navy riot gear.
Weapons: Remington 877 Shotgun, Glock 10 Automatic, Extendable baton
Squad: Squad 1
Bio: Born in Miami to a pair of Cuban nationals Rael found most his early life to be tough, often falling in with the wrong crowds.
However at the age of eighteen Rael to the surprise of his friends and family joined the police department and although this was initially an attempt to stay out of jail Rael soon became adept at what he did.
Temporarily transferred to the NYPD for a training course Rael found he was unable to leave the city before the quarantine put into place trapping him inside. With dwindling man power and supplies Rael along with all the other cops trapped within the city were met with the choice of either joining forces with the criminals they were meant to be combatting or barricade themselves in and hope for reinforcements. Rael along with several others from his original precinct chose to join the criminals not because he wanted to but because in a situation like this you went where the guns were and at this point in time the guns were firmly in the gangsters grasp.
 
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DeletedUser

Name: John "Duke" Wood
Age:21
Appearance: 6ft 7inches. Short, dirty blonde hair. Scar running from corner of his right eye down to the left side of his mouth. Very lean, but often mistaken for being weak, something that people regret after they say it. Often found wearing casual clothes in public, but suits when doing business.
Weapons: Lee Enfield .303, .44 Magnum (These guns are both still in use in 2012)
Squad: Squad 2
Bio: Duke was born in the part of Brooklyn where nobody wants their kids within a mile of. He learned quickly that being good in school won't keep you alive. Only yourself can keep you alive. He learned at the age of 15 how to shoot a rifle from his father, who was killed in a gangfight. Duke took his deceased fathers guns, his .303 and .44, and decided he was moving out at the age of 17. At the age of 19, Duke was staring out his window, when he saw Frank being cornered. He grabbed his rifle and quickly shot the men. He afterwards claimed he was planning on heading out that way and wanted them out of his way before he got there. He has had Franks respect for a few years, and he quickly rose through the ranks. During a bar brawl, Duke was cut by a razor from his right eye down to the left corner of his mouth

(Was that enough?)
 

DeletedUser31931

(OOC: It kind of died but if you guys really want I still have the plan for it lurking around in my head somewhere.) Tiger you still in?
 

DeletedUser31931

(OOC: Geronimo, and master, don't god-mod because your character is kind of set up to do that. and I'm counting Glorry and Catherine as inactive.)
Frank and Sam assembled the men in the meeting room. He looked over. Frank had Rael and James (NPC) under his command, Sam had Duke and Al. Frank wished he had Duke, he still owed him but ah well. Frank pulled up a map onto the board. "Squad 1 shall head down this street, turn this corner and head down. Our contact should be meeting us here" frank said pointing to a spot on the map. "Our diversion will pull enough troops away for them to launch a successful assault and once they break through we will break from cover and get into heir territory. There we shall discuss plans. Sam has the plan for the assault on the HQ for the sector." Frank said motioning. He had spent the small hours of the morning finalising the plan with Sam. He hoped it would work. Sam stepped up. "Here's the plan. We have a man on the inside, his name is Robert. He's recruited four men who all don't really like the Death Dealers. Robert told the high command that he was from our side and he was a simple civilian who had overheard our plans and didn't really want to be on our side so he swapped and got a job in return for the info. He told them that we are planning to hit their weapons depot two nights from now and that we won't risk an attack until then. Of course the actual plan is taking place tonight. Robert and his men will take out the men on this side. Meanwhile we shall slip into the area through a hole in the fence one of the civilians has made for us. We shall get inside the building and we must be in there by 18:00, we will get into the main compound and take out the guards. Then we storm the centre of the base and all hell breaks loose. We'll be in a compound when we encounter the first guards. We'll pin them down until they call for reinforcements and then we'll be trapped from both sides. Then we take the fight to them. Robert and his men will cover our rear whilst we take the offensive. All we have to do is keep the pressure up for an hour. Then we ex-filtrate. That will be done via a man-hole into the sewers. The sewers are dis-used and there are zombies down there. We will all have flash-lights attached to our guns and head torches. We will make our way through the sewers and end up back in our territory. We aren't intending to take control of the area but it the chance to take the control room comes then we'll take it and use it to shut of the power to the whole area. I doubt we will but you never know. Any questions?" Sam finished and surveyed them, the hard faces looked determined. The gang wasn't really a gang, just a group fighting for freedom and to return the city to normal. They all couldn't wait for it to be over.
 

DeletedUser

As Sam explained the plans for the assault, Duke started to expertly clean his rifle. The fighting bit he doesn't mind, but down in the sewers, with zombies, now that freaks him out. Once Sam finished, Duke stood up from his seat and raised his head as he said "So, it's a break in and fight our way out job, right? So why do go into the sewers? Surely there's a better way out than going down there?"
 
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DeletedUser

"Yeah, but there's still more of them than us." Al replied to Duke's comment. Holding his Uzi in one hand, he continued. "It's better for us to swipe our way through them sewers, and take down any zeds that are in there." Al explained as he jammed a magazine into his Uzi, before cocking it.
 

DeletedUser31931

(OOC: MoW meta-gamed so I've warned him off it, there are no informers for us in the other gangs, should have said that sorry, and they will always have better weaponry than us as they get stuff shipped in from the outside.)
Sam stepped in and said "Well your informant must be wrong because every man in there is equipped with at least a pistol if not an SMG. Robert has an SMG whilst the rest of his team have pistols. Everyone get your stuff if you don't have it already and prepare to move out, we're going in five minutes." Sam finished and Frank moved up "My team will wait for the radio signal to move out and then we shall slip through, and head on our route." I can not stress the importance of this enough, we can not fail this mission."
 

DeletedUser

"Woot!" Al said as Sam told them that the Death Dealers were well armed. Al flicked the safety catch off on his Uzi and picked his knife up and began to twirl it around in his left hand.
"If any zed comes near me, that sucker's going' down!" He said menacingly.
 

DeletedUser31931

Sam saw Al and sighed, "Al, please relax your trigger finger until I give the order. The first part of this mission involves stealth, and I mean it, if you threaten the mission I will put a bullet through your head. We must be stealthy for the first part. (OOC: If your character dies then we'll just replace him with a new character, as I explained in the rules.) Understood?" Sam finished.
 

DeletedUser

Al frowned as Sam told him to not shoot anything. "Sucker." He muttered as he clicked on the safety catch on his Uzi. "I can still use my knife though right?" He asked.
 

DeletedUser31931

Sam smiled "So long as nobody sees you and you dump the body where it won't be found for a while as the knife is silent. That is how we plan to overcome any sentries silently."
 

DeletedUser

"Awesome!" Al grinned as he slung his Uzi onto his back and moved to stand by the door. "When do we leave!"
 

DeletedUser

"I won't fire till I need to, 'cause once I shoot either my rifle or my magnum, everyone in the damn city will know 'bout it" Duke smiled as he stood behind Al at the door. "I hope it's soon Al, 'cause I really want to swipe the smug smiles off the faces"
 
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