Funniest job damage report

williamjack

Well-Known Member
What is your silliest job report?
I just got this one from Construct a Military Hospital and about pee'd my pants laughing


You are infected with diarrhea. Not nice.
You lose 248 health points.:)
 

DeletedUser36559

Got this one from Teach a while back :D

A student has driven a rusty nail through the bottom of your chair seat so that the tip is poking out. Of course, you sit down on it.
You lose 66 health points.
 

williamjack

Well-Known Member
Good one Mick,.Guess I am kinda silly.I get a kick out of those and see a good one every once in awhile.
I posted mine in chat today and some guy says must be american thing,I am from scotland dont see the humor.I replied,what scotish people dont have sense humor lol.I know people have the poops in every country rofl.
 

Apelatia

Well-Known Member
Track Big Game said:
You are camouflaged very well. Maybe too well because another hunter mistook you for a deer and shot you.
You lose 61 health points.

That'd be the most recent one which I found amusing.
 

DeletedUser22685

I managed to get hit with a "we want more wages" sign at a protest whilst working as a Pinkerton Agent the other day. It was surprisingly painful.
 

asdf124

Well-Known Member
You are the person who is wanted. You're shocked.
You lose 7 health points.

It is one of the oldest funnies ones which is still being used :D.

A pack of coyotes encircles you. They guess you taste like chicken.
You lose 21 health points. mmm chicken :D.

In retrospect, just flicking the cigarette behind you wasn't very smart...
You lose 53 health points.(transport ammunition)

You try and hide in a green bush. Unfortunately, you wore your new bright red-blue-yellow jacket with the little bells on it.
You lose 37 health points.(chasing bandits :D)
 

williamjack

Well-Known Member
I love these and think inno is very creative lol.Some one left negative remark on rep saying for pity sakes quit posting threads that have already been posted.
If I did sorry,I searched and didn't see a thread like this,that why I posted this one.Thought be fun for people to shares some the silly ones.
 

DeletedUser22685

I considered merging this thread with an old one when it was posted, but the last thread similar to this one was created more than a year ago, only received a handful of replies and wasn't even specifically about "funny" injuries. There are even older ones in each world forum, but I don't expect anyone to choose to start a thread there as they're completely dead. I'm happy to let this thread stand. Besides, whoever repped you for that probably would've repped you if you resurrected an old thread anyway.

Most of the new level 120+ jobs have at least one funny injury description. I'm not sure what to think about this one from Work as a Stage Performer :p

An aroused fan throws her knickers on stage, and it lands directly on your head. Blinded by the panty, you trip and fall.
You lose 177 health points.
 

Apelatia

Well-Known Member
Hunt Alligators said:
The alligator you are targeting is swimming in a pool full of piranhas. One of the fish bites you.
You lose 41 health points.

I'm not sure why even an alligator would want to go swimming with a bunch of piranhas... I certainly wouldn't...
 

Big John1970

I'm not sure why even an alligator would want to go swimming with a bunch of piranhas...
Ah, the animals have finally teamed up to beat the humans. :D

An aroused fan throws her knickers on stage, and it lands directly on your head. Blinded by the panty, you trip and fall.
If I saw that in a bar, I would choke on my beer. :D

I got one job report, it wasn't a funny one, but the job was only supposed to be minor damage and yet I took a whopping 1,000 damage. Nasty.
 

DeletedUser22685

I got one job report, it wasn't a funny one, but the job was only supposed to be minor damage and yet I took a whopping 1,000 damage. Nasty.

Each injury has a fixed damage that is a percentage of your max health. Increasing labour points can reduce the chance of injury, and the percentage damage you sustain, but even with a low danger scale, some injuries have much higher values than others.
 
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Big John1970

Ah. I thought the lower the bar, the less damage you took. So lower bar means lower CHANCE, but damage can still be high. Thanks. :)
 

MFRavenhawk

Well-Known Member
Various ones I have gotten (interesting how some have much less or much more damage than identically phrased reports from other players....such is the way we spec our skills to work ;) ) Admittedly, not all of these are funny, but many are interesting.

You escort Lola Montez, a famous entertainer to the saloon. You had to tackle down a crazy fan trying to propose to her. He left a nice bruise.
You lose 168 health points. (from Work as a Bodyguard)

Well, well, famous gunslinger. Your gun went off while whirling it around, the bullet hit you in the knee.
You lose 32 health points. (from Work as a Gunslinger)

An even more famous gunslinger than you challenges you to a duel. You lost.
You lose 93 health points. (from Work as a Gunslinger)

The gang leader turns out to be quite a tough guy. You fight, you shoot, you run, you lose.
You lose 1977 health points. (from Break Up Gangs)

An aroused fan throws her knickers on stage, and it lands directly on your head. Blinded by the panty, you trip and fall.
You lose 104 health points. (from Work as a Stage Performer...Must have lost them as I fell, since they never made it into my inventory :hmf: )

You perform as a step dancer in the saloon. The heel of your shoe comes loose, and you fall off the stage.
You lose 260 health points. (from Work as a Stage Performer)

As you show off your skills in fire breathing, you burn your nose.
You lose 52 health points. (from Work as a Stage Performer)

The fumes of the distiller make you faint. You knock your head on a vodka bottle as you fall.
You lose 687 health points. (from Distill Alcohol)

Angry customers are throwing empty bottles at you. You have to admit that you are not the best singer.
You lose 508 health points. (from Work as a Stage Performer)

United States cavalry to your left, Indians to your right. That will hurt.
You lose 68 health points. (from Trading With Indians)

You play so well that one of the ladies is throwing her knickers on stage. Her fuming husband slaps your cheek.
You lose 49 health points. (from Work as a Piano Player)

You cut your finger on one of the music sheets.
You lose 10 health points. (from Work as a Piano Player)

You did not hit the notes right. A foul egg from an enraged auditor hits your head.
You lose 70 health points. (from Work as a Piano Player)

You gave the wrong command to your troops. They accidentally fire into your direction. A bullet hits you.
You lose 70 health points. (from Order Troops)

You walked East instead of West and got lost. After hours of an exhausting and dehydrating odyssey through the desert, an Indian tribe picks you up.
You lose 299 health points. (from Explore the West)

A gang ambushes your trading office. The gang leader is a nasty big guy who involves you in a tough fight.
You lose 79 health points. (from Lead a Trading Office)

You are just too curious about the secrets the lodge is guarding. One of the members caught you in the act of sniffing around and punished you.
You lose 600 health points. (from Work for a Lodge)

You drink too much altar wine and fall into the baptismal font.
You lose 132 health points. (from Work as a Preacher)

During your long pleadings about your adventures you walked into Indian territory. An arrow hits your left arm.
You lose 137 health points. (from Guide Greenhorns)

William Walker, a famous journalist and adventurer, hired you to go on an expedition with him. You were surrounded by an Indian tribe in the middle of nowhere. You managed to fight your way out.
You lose 137 health points. (from Work as a Bodyguard)

When performing a trick with your horse, you slide off and fall under your horse's hooves.
You lose 63 health points. (from Perform with Buffalo Bill)

The bull's rope tears and it tramples you.
You lose 110 health points. (from Organize a Rodeo)

The man you were aiming for seemingly brought his whole gang with him...
You lose 56 health points. (from Bounty Hunter)

The gang leader turns out to be quite a tough guy. You fight, you shoot, you run, you lose.
You lose 1997 health points. (from Break Up Gangs)

It is raining cats and dogs. You slip on the wet earth and fall into a freshly dug grave. Your leg hurts.
You lose 52 health points. (from Work as an Undertaker)

Bandits enter your graveyard to loot corpses. Not on your graveyard! You fight them off with your spade.
You lose 28 health points. (from Work as an Undertaker)

You are rushing towards the enemy - and realize then that you are alone, and the enemy is not!
You lose 4325 health points (from Fort Number Two battle report)

You get lost and can't find anything to eat.
You lose 35 health points. (from Exploration)

You get caught in a battle and get hit by a bullet.
You lose 155 health points. (from Serving in the Army)

Oh no, a muscle cramp! That hurts! You should drink more milk.
You lose 36 health points. (from Arm Wrestling)

You hear a snapping sound and feel a pain rush up your arm. Seems like you tried to pickpocket the rat catcher.
You lose 24 health points. (from Robbing Settlers)

The bull throws you off and you smash into a fence.
You lose 48 health points. (from Organize a Rodeo)

You're in the process of arresting a criminal when his friends leap out of the bushes and attack you in order to free their accomplice.
You lose 144 health points. (from Work as a Marshal)

You have ambushed an U.S. Marshal.
You lose 368 health points. (from Ambush)

At first you believe that it was only a scratch but as the battle ends you realize that you have been very lucky....
You lose 2744 health points. (from Fort Joe Mamas House battle report)

A large number of Indians attack your batallion. With a warcry on your lips you run towards them! Unfortunately, you were the only one.
You lose 207 health points. (from Serving in the Army)

You signed contracts with different bands of mercenaries. They didn't like that too much.
You lose 116 health points. (from Mercenary Work)

There were more bandits than you thought, and they shoot first and ask questions later.
You lose 1346 health points. (from Break Up Gangs)

The alligator you are targeting is swimming in a pool full of piranhas. One of the fish bites you.
You lose 220 health points. (from Hunt Alligators)

As you lead new settlers to an unexplored area, you realize that it is full of rattlesnakes. You are promptly bitten by one - next time, you should examine the area first.
You lose 71 health points. (work Colonize New Land)

You get really thirsty and take a sip without thinking about it.
You lose 61 health points. (from Charlatan)
 
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Apelatia

Well-Known Member
It's nice to have a list like that here for us to read, MF. I know that many of us won't have had the chance to do all the high level jobs yet, due to the differences in our various skill builds.

This one, however:

MFRavenhawk as Piano Player said:
You play so well that one of the ladies is throwing her knickers on stage. Her fuming husband slaps your cheek.
You lose 49 health points.

...confuses me to no end. Why would the husband decide to slap you?!
 

williamjack

Well-Known Member
It's nice to have a list like that here for us to read, MF. I know that many of us won't have had the chance to do all the high level jobs yet, due to the differences in our various skill builds.

This one, however:



...confuses me to no end. Why would the husband decide to slap you?!

LOL cause the husband is jealous of you,because his wife likes you so much she thru her panties at you.
Kinda like going to a rock concert and your woman wanting to sleep with the band ha ha.
 

Big John1970

Very effeminate of him to 'slap' you though. I would have thought a good old Batman 'KPOW!!!' would have been more in order. :D
 

DeletedUser33342

Kxq8smo.png

this reminded me of this so hard....
http://youtu.be/tgj3nZWtOfA
 
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