Church of The Onion

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

This thread is not like that spam thread; onion.
This thread is about revealing the one True Onion in all it's Glory!

Gather ye around, listen and share your experiences in the Onionistic Community.

If you feel the urge to scream onion, I urge you to go to that other thread.

The wisdom wich has been brought forth in that other thread, will be gathered here.

Together we will complete the scriptures of the Onion!

Praise be he, the eternal Lord, the all-father, our benevolent,
the omnipotent Onion!

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Meh, Flying Spaghetti Monster > onion

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

My experience in the onionistic community:

Being harassed and name-called by the onion’s followers
Almost burned at the stake

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Virginia said:
My experience in the onionistic community:

Being harassed and name-called by the onion’s followers
Almost burned at the stake

It only takes one bad apple to spoil the whole barrel, but onions are much more resilient. An apple can be rotten to the core, but an onion has no core. Wait, forget all that, I'm comparing apples and onions.

Remember: onion is good, but French onion soup is nothing without croutons and Gruyère.

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

this will never last

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

It only takes one bad apple to spoil the whole barrel, but onions are much more resilient. An apple can be rotten to the core, but an onion has no core. Wait, forget all that, I'm comparing apples and onions.

Remember: onion is good, but French onion soup is nothing without croutons and Gruyère

Are you capable of typing something logical?

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

The wisdom of those that came before us teach us:

Thou shalt not take Onion thy Lord's name in vain.

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Virginia said:
Are you capable of typing something logical?

Umm...you've read the Bible, right?

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Brother Oisinallen has seen the light!

oisinallen said:
Onion is the one true god!

A heretic uttered these blasphemes words:

Virginia said:
Call me a heathen/witch if you choose, but I will worship none other than the Lord Jesus Christ! I repeat: Send the onion to hell!

Virginia said:
Why are you worshipping a stupid onion?! You had the plant the dumb thing, it didn't create you!

Bishop Nasy speaks wisely the unbeliver:

nashy19 said:
Planting is merely a way of preparing the Onion for worship. My friend, you are delusional, the holy onion created everything.

Elmyr, one of the two founding Prophets utters words inspired by the divine Onion itself!

Elmyr said:
The onion is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, and, most importantly, omnionion.

The onion shall suffer a witch to live and will not even withhold the tears of joy you receive while preparing his great gift.

The onion sayeth thou shalt not spam, but the onion is not fond of rules and is equally happy if you break his rules as if you follow them.

We are building a religion
A limited edition
We are now accepting callers
For the pendant key chains

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Oh my onion, you all are mental.

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

The heretic comes yet again, to shake the foundation of our true belief!

Virginia said:
I am prepared to die with the name of the Almighty God on my lips!

But Elmyr The Prophet is prepared to face such blasphemy:

Elmyr said:
My god tastes better than your god, when sliced into rings and deep fried in batter, so neener.

Gaze in awe at these martyrs!

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

The Exalted spoke unto to the devout followers about those trying to destroy our faith in our Lord, Onion be his name:

John Rose said:
My fellow followers of the Onion, waste not your energy on hating the un-beliver,
for has brought the onion to his lips, yet he has not tasted it.

Why should you belive in the Onion you say?
Simple, do you not see his children nigh every day?
Yet, as you see his form, you still do not see his form.

The Onion be both formless, and yet it has a form at the same time.

Know then the might of the Onion, as feeling it's magnificent presence might
force you to shed holy tears of sacrifice.

Onion be with you my brothers and sisters.

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

I'm not a "hating unbeliever"....I said I liked you....how is that hate?...

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

A short anectdote:

John Rose said:
The Onion spreads his children to those whom enjoys the reaping of his seed.

Thanks to Bishop Nashy for supplying us with this picture of a humble shrine:

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Let us all meditate upon our lost and captured brethren with this inspiring picture:

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

nashy19 said:
I know what it looks like.

But the onions holy texts suggests that offense is the best defence, essentially when it's ninja's. So those ninja's are protecting the onion from harm.

Studies show that creating ninja is the best possible defence, even if you are omnipotent.

Addition made by Bishop Nashy about the ninja documentation:

nashy19 said:
I know what it looks like.

But the onions holy texts suggests that offense is the best defence, essentially when it's ninja's. So those ninja's are protecting the onion from harm.

Studies show that creating ninja is the best possible defence, even if you are omnipotent.

---

Silly Anti-Onionist.

Oisinallen the Wise examins the picture, and shares with us his wisdom:

oisinallen said:
If you look closely, you can see that the ninja on the left is being thrown back by the onion's telekinetic powers.
The ninja on the right cannot bring his fist down because of the onion's forcefield.
The ninja at the back is clearly backing away in fear.

Whose cause does it support now?

Elmyr the Prophet on the above picture:

Elmyr said:
Onion > Ninja. Just wait til he makes his move.

An enemy of the Onion attacks the on True faith yet again:

Virginia said:
Why are you all blindly following the onion worshippers?? Can any of you think for yourselves?

Then she goes on, calling the Great Onion a joke, A JOKE! HAH!

In answer to the heretic, Fair Violette voices Onion inspired-words:

Violette LeDrunc said:
The mysteries of Onion cannot be seen nor heard nor understood by those who reject Onion's blessings.

I do not much like quoting myself, for I am but a humble servant of the Onion, all glory be to him.

John Rose said:
LIES!

The Great Omnipotent Onion, our Lord, is no joke!

This person may belive the Onion to be naught but a joke, but we whom belive, know that it is not so.
So sayeth the his prophet.

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

A true marvel of wisdom, bestowed upon Elmyr the Prophet by our Lord Onion:

Elmyr said:
The Parable of the Bloomin' Onion

37 But he answered, "You give them something to eat."
They said to him, "That would take eight months of a man's wages! Are we to go and spend that much on bread and give it to them to eat?"

38 "How many onions do you have?" he asked. "Go and see."
When they found out, they said, "Five."

39 "Then Jesus directed them to have all the people sit down in groups on the green grass.

40 So they sat down in groups of hundreds and fifties.

41 Taking the five onions and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the onions. Then he gave them to his disciples to set before the people.

42 They all ate of the Bloomin' Onions and were satisfied

Mark 6:37-42

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Some fragments of wisdom, gathered on scholastic journeys:

Elmyr said:
Seasoning thy spam with onion makes mockery of his blessed gifts.

nashy19 said:
It's a shame how people can shut off when they need the onion most. We'll pray for Virginia.

master warrior said:
in some countries they wrship onions like gods

John Rose said:
They should worship THE Onion in every country of the World!
The Onion is our one true Divine Father!

nashy19 said:
The Onion loves everyone, but he's likes those countries slightly more.

Denisero said:
Come join us for services in our new temple. Praise Onion!

John Rose said:
Onion loves you!

master warrior said:
if you get renincarnated after death i want to be an onion

:

John Rose said:
In the spiritual sense; You are no worthy! So sayeth the Great Onion himself.

If you mean in the metaphorical sense; then may your wish be granted.

May your life be like the layers of an onion.

Thus it was written, thus it shall be.

In nomine unio, amen.

DeletedUser · Feb 18, 2009

Elmyr said:
I'm surprised it took Nashy so long to come into the fold. Is not St. Leek, the Apostle to the Welsh, forever enshrined as your country's national emblem?

Thus Nasy became the first Lord Bishop of Onion, and with us he shared deep words od wisdom:

nashy19 said:
Leeks, Garlic... they're all forms of Onion.

To end up this most recent dive in Onion history, I serve you another quote from this humble servant of our lord, Onion:

John Rose said:
In thy heart, thou knowest the Onion to be will, and love.
These pieces of information is enough to open the mind of many a seeker, but for those sceptical, there is also this; For is it note written;
"Reason and scepsis guides thy way to Salvation"

nashy19 · Feb 18, 2009

The National Onion association {www.onion-usa.org} humbles us with these quotes:

Ulysses S. Grant said:
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I will not move my army without onions![/FONT]

Old English Rhyme said:
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]"Onion skins very thin,
Mild winter coming in.
Onion skins very tough,
Coming winter very rough."[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]If you hear an onion ring, answer it.[/FONT]

American Poet said:
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Life is like an onion.
You peel it off one layer at a time;
And sometimes you weep.[/FONT]

Numbers said:
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]We remember the fish we ate in Egypt for nothing, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions and the garlic; but now our strength is dried up, and there is nothing at all but this manna to look at.[/FONT]

[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The onion tribe is prophylactic and highly invigorating, and even more necessary to cookery than parsley itself.[/FONT]

Church of The Onion

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nashy19

Nashy (as himself)